His Luxury Coupé


Drunk on my sorrow, High on my pain 

With So much to lose and Still nothing to gain

Yet I drown In the chaos I call my life 

Still believing the man Who practically destroyed my life
Who took a knife to my heart, daggered me with words

With songs of love, of the birds and the bees

I didn’t see beyond the signs, didn’t read between the lines

The truth written in plain ink, though he refused to sign
I made it my mission, made him my world

Between walks in the park and kisses in the dark

From gazing at the stars so late into the night 

He built castles in my head and a moat around my heart 

He locked me in a tower and promised I was his 

His good girl, he said, his special little girl

A friend he would never want to lose, he said

The one he wanted to be with, he said 

The one who made him happy, he said 

Yes, he said, no, he said, please, he said, I’m not letting you go, he said 
No, he said, yes, she said, why, he said, no, she said, yes, he said

Roles reversed, down in the sheets, the bed soaked wet, 

I bet you didn’t expect that, he said

No, she chuckled.

Did you like that? He said, yes, she said

But it hurt, she said… But she didn’t say, it hurt
It hurt like daggers pierced through her heart, 

Like acid poured on her soul

To know she had been used, and abused by the love of her life

To know she would never again feel complete

Never again feel whole

For she had given herself away

So someone who would never treasure here

Someone who would never love her
Someone whose heart was made of ice

Whose soul was carved from wood

Whose will was forged in steel

Who had used her to satisfy his raging desires

And held nothing but contempt for her now he was through. 
His luxury coupe, he called her

Now, the other girl, was her name

The face he once loved to hold, to kiss, to stroke,

He now looked at with hate and disdain

And then she asked herself, why go on?

Why go on living? She gave him her love, gave him her all

And now she’s nothing but an empty shell,
So she drinks up her sorrows, and rolls up her pain

She lights it with her future and watches it all burn

As she drowns herself in a pool of blood

Bleeding from her broken heart. 

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CRIMSON TEARS


Image retrieved from
As beads of blood bleeding red run down my arm, 

The arm of flesh has failed me once again

And once again I am left alone 

Alone with my thoughts, contemplating the complexities of a simple word… No. 

Knowing that the truth was all a lie, I lie here listening to the sound of my own hearts irrythemical beating as the blood it pumps pours out through emotional gashes across my left breast.

Gashes that only I can see and feel, invisible enough to conceal with a smile 

So I smile. Even when it hurts, see, I smile

Even when I can’t breathe, I smile

Even when my world is falling apart, I smile 

Even as the life drains from my body, I smile 

Because a simple smile conceals a large myriad of emotions which flood me, 

like the calm sea with its deadly undercurrents I am currently drowning in my own pain with no lifeline or rescue boat so I smile. 

Knowing that the only escape to my predicament is a permanent solution and though some may think it’s a temporary problem…

“… The sea is calm today…”

The sea is never calm

She just looks calm sometimes 

Her raging currents can wreck ships and drown men 

But she knows that as terrifying as she may be

People are always attracted to a smile. 

And so she smiles

Beckoning both the simpleton and the adventurer to come unto her

Welcoming them with open arms

Leading them to believe that the turmoil they once saw was a temporary problem…

But be not deceived 

Like the raging sea, I smile

And as I lie here staring at the beads of Blood like Crimson tears running down my arm

I realise that it would have been okay to cry sometimes 

Seeking The Person Of Christ

“Now set your heart and your soul to seek the Lord your God; arise therefore, and build ye the sanctuary of the Lord God, to bring the ark of the covenant of the Lord, and the holy vessels of God, into the house that is to be built to the name of the Lord.”– 1 Chronicles 22:19 (KJV)
We must esteem the person of Christ, but that doesn’t bring His presence. We need to go a step further to actually seek Him. 

To seek means;

1. To attempt or desire to obtain or achieve something

2. To ask for something from someone

3. To search for and find something or someone

4. To go to a place
To seek the person of the Lord Jesus Christ, we need to love Him enough and value him enough and our desire for Him should drive us to obtain Him. We should want him badly enough to ask for His presence. We should want Him badly enough to go out searching for Him and desire Him so much that if we can’t get His presence with us, that we go to where His presence is. 
We need to set our hearts and also our souls to seek the Lord. We need to do it, nobody is going to do this for us and it’s not something that just happens. 

The little but highly significant sacrifices are what built the relationship we want to have. Because we value Him enough to want Him in our lives, we set our hearts to be with Him and we begin, bit by bit, to carve a way for Him into our lives. It’s not always anything major that brings us close, we don’t have to jump in front of a bus for Him and its the little things we do… Spending time talking, getting to know each other, thinking about each other, praying, spending time with each other. These are the things that show how important the other person is to you… What you were willing to give up for these seemingly insignificant things. 

The verse above urges us to seek the Lord with our heart AND soul but it doesn’t stop there. We are told afterwards to get up and go to where he is, get involved in what he’s doing. If you want to spend time with someone and that person is always busy, the easiest way to be with the person is to help them do what they are doing. 

When my mum is doing laundry or cooking and i want to spend time with her, I go and help her and in the process of working together, we can talk and get things done. It would be foolishness for me to say, “mummy stop what you’re doing and come and spend time with me.” 

If you value the presence of the Lord and really want to be with him, you will seek him with your heart and soul by;

1. Asking for his presence

2. Responding to his voice 

3. Spending more time with him

4. Getting involved in what he’s doing

5. Making the little sacrifices to be with him. 
Read Psalm 105

Esteeming The Presence Of Christ 

“And he said unto him, If thy presence go not with me, carry us not up hence.”Exodus 33:15 (KJV)
Gods presence is the most important thing for our lives. We need to understand how important the presence of God is for us. When we do so, we will be able to give up anything for His presence. What we are willing to give up for something shows how important that thing is to us. 

When the person of Christ becomes the most important person in our lives then nothing will be too great a cost for us, His opinion would become all that matters to us, and nothing else would be able to phase us. 

Why is the presence of God that important to some people and it isn’t to others? It’s because of the relationship the person has with Christ. 

David was willing to give up the kingdom just to save his relationship with God but Saul was willing to give up his relationship with God to keep what he had. This is an easy mistake to make when you forget that all you have actually comes from the person you are giving up. 

1. Learn to value people more than things. 

2. Make Jesus the most important person in your life and not just one of the important people. 

Jesus is a person and how much we value Him will be tested and it will be seen in what we are willing to give up for Him and what we are willing to place before Him. 

Read 1 Samuel 15 

Decisions! Decisions!!

Dear Dotty, 

Happy new year!!! 💞💞

I know it’s kind of late but I still wanted you to know I wish you all the best in this new year. 

I can’t believe 2016 is already over! I almost thought it’d never end, with all the heart ache rolercosters and broken dream caracels, it was like an amusement park of pain. 

Honestly, I’d rather not dwell on the past because I know 2017 has greater things in store for me. I hope you’re as excited about it as I am because I can’t get over that fact that it’s going to be such a great year. This year I plan to publish another book, start up my own business and settle down in life. 

I know you might say I’m too young, that’s what my mama says, but I don’t think there’s ever a time too young to be great. 

I can’t help but indeed, when you were my age, what’s was life like for you? I mean, with big decisions like where to live, what to do, who to give your heart to? How did you make such decisions when you were my age?

I know you moved away from your original country of dwelling, you left the job you’d done for years, and you divorced the man you gave your heart to all in one day, how on earth were you able to make such a decision when I’m struggling to even decide on what colour my hair should be this year?! 

 Im liking the blonde though still. 

But yeah, it’s only been like 5 days and I find I’m being faces with major life changing decisions and isn’t help but wonder whether I’m making the right choices for my life. I get scared that I might make the wrong ones and although your story gives me hope that even if I end up where I don’t want to be, I can always turn around, I fear I’m not as strong as you are, I fear I may not be able to make the decisions you’ve made.

I pray about it all the time because the one thing that scares the gajeebers out of me is ending up regretting my decisions, and that’s one thing I don’t want to ever have to do in the year 2017. 

Lots of love,

Your granddaughter. 

The Presence

“Say unto them, Whosoever he be of all your seed among your generations, that goeth unto the holy things, which the children of Israel hallow unto the Lord, having his uncleanness upon him, that soul shall be cut off from my presence: I am the Lord.” 

– Leviticus 22:3

Your value for something is shown by how much you are willing to pay for it. 

If you say you want the presence of God and you can’t give up something you hold dear to get it, then you don’t want Him badly enough. 

When you begin to desire Him above all else, it will become easy to let go of everything just to be with Him. Nothing will be too big a price. 

If you’re struggling to let go of anything for God, pray for a desire, a drawing, a longing for God and the more you desire Him, the less significant everything else will become to you in relation to his presence.