Decisions! Decisions!!

Dear Dotty, 

Happy new year!!! 💞💞

I know it’s kind of late but I still wanted you to know I wish you all the best in this new year. 

I can’t believe 2016 is already over! I almost thought it’d never end, with all the heart ache rolercosters and broken dream caracels, it was like an amusement park of pain. 

Honestly, I’d rather not dwell on the past because I know 2017 has greater things in store for me. I hope you’re as excited about it as I am because I can’t get over that fact that it’s going to be such a great year. This year I plan to publish another book, start up my own business and settle down in life. 

I know you might say I’m too young, that’s what my mama says, but I don’t think there’s ever a time too young to be great. 

I can’t help but indeed, when you were my age, what’s was life like for you? I mean, with big decisions like where to live, what to do, who to give your heart to? How did you make such decisions when you were my age?

I know you moved away from your original country of dwelling, you left the job you’d done for years, and you divorced the man you gave your heart to all in one day, how on earth were you able to make such a decision when I’m struggling to even decide on what colour my hair should be this year?! 

 Im liking the blonde though still. 

But yeah, it’s only been like 5 days and I find I’m being faces with major life changing decisions and isn’t help but wonder whether I’m making the right choices for my life. I get scared that I might make the wrong ones and although your story gives me hope that even if I end up where I don’t want to be, I can always turn around, I fear I’m not as strong as you are, I fear I may not be able to make the decisions you’ve made.

I pray about it all the time because the one thing that scares the gajeebers out of me is ending up regretting my decisions, and that’s one thing I don’t want to ever have to do in the year 2017. 

Lots of love,

Your granddaughter. 

Did you ever?

Dear Dotty,

It’s been quite an eventful week for my heart. I guess my body may not have done much but I swear my heart made it to the North Pole and back. 

I’ve been running it about in my head, trying to understand why people would purposely break someone else’s heart for no good reason. I mean, even if there’s a reason, no reason is good enough to crush another persons dreams. 

After spending the week gathering up the million and one pieces my heart was shattered into, I finally figured that the best way to deal with all of it was to just chuck it. After all, a broken heart’s no good anyway. And it’s not like he did it on purpose, I guess my heart was just the unfortunate emotional casualty in his personal war on life. I guess he didn’t really realise how much he meant to me and didn’t expect that I’d get hurt. 

People tell me I come across as very hard and somewhat uncaring and that’s why they don’t realise that a lot of things go deeper than they realise. They believe I have a tough outer skin and can handle almost anything but hardly ever do they see when I get home, peel off the smile and fall apart in bed. They never know the nights when I cry myself to sleep because of things they’ve said or done. I guess he never realised I actually did love him. I guess I didn’t show him how much I really cared, or how much I was willing to give up to spend the rest of my life with him. I guess it’s a good thing he’ll never know. I guess he didn’t deserve me anyway. I know I’ll get over him… Eventually… But the truth is, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to let my heart love again. 

I know you may not even know me but somehow, somewhere deep inside me, I know you understand how I feel. I often found myself wondering whether you felt the same way too. You know, when you left Grandfather and my mum. Did it break your heart too? Did you feel like you’d never love again, like your world was falling apart and you’d never be able to survive the chaos of it all? I know you were able to move on, get married and have more kids, mummy says you did. But in your moving on, did you ever get over it? Did you ever truly love again?

I know these are really personal questions but I feel like knowing the answers would help me understand how I feel and, I guess, help me move on, even if it doesn’t help me get over him. 

Lots of love, 

Your granddaughter. 

Do you wanna build a snowman?

Dear Dotty,

It snowed today. I guess winter is finally here. 

The temperatures here have been dropping to minus so I was kind of expecting it to snow anyway. To be honest, I was quietly praying it would. Mummy says it doesn’t snow where you are, snow always reminds me of winter. Winter is my favourite season. 

I’m not saying I like the cold, it’s just that it reminds me of Christmas!!

Whenever I think about snow, I see the white rooftops and the colourful Christmas lights. I can see Christmas trees and pretty presents wrapped in shiny paper, feel the warm fires and smell the lovely roast. 

There’s thanksgiving and christingle, Christmas carols and New Years celebrations. Snow always reminds me of great times. I admit I was feeling quite low but when it started snowing, I cheered up pretty quickly. 

On my way home from swimming in the evening, i saw a little girl making a snowman. And although the snow was melting and slightly muddy, she seemed to be doing a great job at it. I remember walking past thinking, “that has got to be the dirtiest snowman ever!” But it still made me smile watching her roll balls of dirty snow in the cold. It made me realise that no matter how cold or dirty you may feel your situation is, no matter how alone you think you are, there’s always something you can do to make yourself happy. 

That’s my favourite part of winter. 

It’s facing up to the fact that life isn’t always warm and cosy, that it’s not always rainbows and butterflies. Realising that it can be cold and hard and dirty and lonely, and rather than sitting in doors and sulking about it, you can choose to go out there and build a snowman. 

So do you wanna build a snowman?

Lots of love,

Your granddaughter. 

Dear Dotty

Dear Dotty,

I really don’t know where to start…

Hi, I guess. How are you? I know you don’t know me and you’ve probably never heard of me before but I’ve heard quite a bit about you and I really want to get to know you better.

Last Christmas, mummy received a letter from you and I decided to try contact you. I was going to write to you, I even bought stamps and everything but when I tracked the return address, it wasn’t valid.

I guess as little as I know about you, you even know less about me and I really want you to know me before I meet you face to face so I wanna write to you as often as I can. I know my life is probably not much to write home about but I guess I’m gonna do so anyway.

Mummy tells me you have a son also, and he’s got kids too. How are they? I hope there okay and they make you smile. I haven’t got kids myself, just 3 annoying siblings. To be fair, they’re alright once you get to know them, they just like different stuff from me so we don’t always get along. You can say I’m a bit not like the rest of my family.. not really in a bad way, just in a different way.

I know this may sound really weird but everyone else acts like everyone else. They think the same and act the same and we can all tell the people they got their genes from. I know all the different members of my family and I’m not like them. I don’t know where I got it from but the doctors say it’s genetic so I must have got it from somewhere and the only member of my family I don’t know is you.

I was thinking that if I got to know you better, or if you got to know a bit more about me, we may be more alike than we realise.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Love,

Your Granddaughter.